alone

One of the biggest misconceptions of single women...once I am married, I will no longer be alone The reality of it all...is even when you are surrounded by friends and loved ones, you can still feel incredibly alone. I have felt very alone all day. Near tears many moments as I battle the lonliness I feel. The enemy is quick to use this emotion to isolate you and ultimately get you down We all have lonely days. But, dear one, please never forget that you are not alone! God's grace is sufficient for thee. I am eternally grateful.

Break the Pot

It has been two weeks...

Two weeks ago during Sunday morning church, a man came forward and shared an illustration that has resonated in my spirit every day since.

He was talking about plants that have grown as much as they are going to grow where they are planted because they have become root bound. He shared that the only way for that plant to continue growing into it's "potential" is to actually break the pot that it is in & transplant it. The pot has to be broken because, in essence, the plant has become so comfortable in the pot (root bound) that if you try to remove it without breaking the pot, it is very likely you will do much harm to the plant itself. So the only way for continued growth? Break the pot.

God, break the pot. Plant us where you want us to be planted. Devastate our comfort zones if that is what it takes for us to live in total abandon to Your plans & Your divine will. That we'd truly grow in every place that you plant us. And when the growing stops...let us ask the question, "why?" If it is because we've become "root bound"...Do what You must as we acknowledge our insatiable need & true desire for You.

anticipation as we wait

We are just days away from our "due date" for Baby Caden. This morning at the check-up appointment, we were informed to come back tomorrow morning for another check-up & to prepare ourselves as we may be sent over to the hospital to be induced for delivery.

"Prepare ourselves"...Wow! So surreal. Not that we haven't been preparing, but in so many ways it's felt like this was all indeed a dream...even with my ever growing abdomen.

So here we are...waiting...with much anticipation...feeling like a "ticking time bomb"...Is today the day? Maybe tomorrow? Or the next?

I'm so grateful for my now 14 year old niece, Christine, who has been with us the last week helping get the house ready and keeping me company. I may have just gone stir crazy during the day while Andrew was at work...with all the "anxious waiting."

So...be it tomorrow or the next day or next week... Here we are! About to embark on yet a new adventure...Parenthood.

Lord, give us grace & wisdom as we raise this child to honor you with ALL that he is. Patience & strength as we encounter life's daily challenges. Unconditional love & consistency to give in a world that is often counterfeit.

5 weeks

Just five or so weeks now until Baby Caden arrives. People keep asking..."Are you ready?"

What kind of question is that anyway? First time mom here. How do I even know what to expect or prepare for really? Of course EVERYONE and their mother have had their own handful of advice and I've done a lot of reading. However, I am convinced that no amount of reading or advice prepares one for the journey of parenting that is about to ensue. I'm already trying to condition my mind to live out the "one day at a time" mentality.

"He will grow up so fast!" ...This is a common phrase that has been stated. This I know to be true as I look at all of my nieces...feeling like wasn't it just yesterday they were born? Alas, the oldest will be driving this fall!

Cherish the time. Value the teachable moments...

Even though Caden is now VERY active, as well, my belly seems to be growing by the day...most days it still feels so surreal that Andrew and I are about to be parents.

5 weeks...

I'm reminding myself of an often spoken phrase...."Change is the only constant"

Indeed.

Bring it on.

Thank you for the gift of LIFE, Father. May Andrew and I have the much needed wisdom and grace that we will need as we enter into parenthood.

life.

The sun is shining after days of rain. While my skin prefers the warmth of the sun, after walking around my yard today I truly appreciate the value of the rain as beautiful red tulips have come into full bloom. Of course, the yard desperately needs mowed and the flower garden weeded...details...details...

I've been challenged in the last couple of weeks to stop living life as though it's currently just a "transitional season"...I mean, afterall, isn't every season eventually bringing us to the next? That doesn't mean it's supposed to be viewed as less than or insignificant. I've been learning much about fully embracing the season I am in with the understanding I will be here as long as the Lord wills...and some times because of my unwillingness to fully embrace the current "season"...I end up being there longer than ever intended. The Lord can truly be so patient while His sheep learn to listen to & heed His instruction.

Andrew & I have recently moved...again. And, that's ok. In life you either learn to constantly readjust or you're in for a lot of disappointment, confusion, and heart break.

In the last month I've started volunteering at the Lebanon Girl's Teen Challenge. I LOVE it. These girls have captivated my heart. It's definitely a highlight in my week. Last night was absolutely amazing. Jesus was so big! I saw one girl smile for the first time. It was huge. I couldn't hold back the tears. If you knew where they've come from...trust me....you'd cry at the beauty of it all too.

Life is good.

Learning to live with a genuine attitude of gratitude in every season.

So grateful I serve a relentless God.

Life...live it fully today.

Belief

I'm reminded today of the power of belief. I'm quite confident that we would not be where we are today without the power of belief. The act of believing in something greater than us & being believed in. To believe: to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something (www.dictionary.com) As I look back at where I've been & look ahead on this journey that I am on, it is undeniable that I am where I am today, in part, because of this power of belief. There have been countless times in the past that I lacked the capacity to believe in myself & the dream that awaited to be awakened. Then there was that one person...maybe a few...that reminded me that on my own I will surely fail. But God... With Him...ALL things are possible. They believed. Not only in me, but more importantly, in the GOD that I've devoted my entire life to. That belief is powerful. It lifts us up when we are down. It reminds us that it is THROUGH HIM and BY HIM that we live, move, & have our being. It is that power of belief that helps lift the head of the lowly, challenge complacency, & awaken the dreams of God inside of us. Lord, help our unbelief. I'm challenged today to continue to believe... The dream of God is big. I want to be a part of it. The dreams of God deposited in His people are big too. I want to be a part of them. Encourage someone today in their God-given dreams. You may never know how timely those words may be... May you go forth with joy & be led by the Spirit. ...Here's to believing again...

The kindness of a stranger

Today I woke up feeling kind of glum. Knowing it would be a long day alone as the husband has a longer than normal day of work & is currently without a cell phone. Not to mention knowing that today & tomorrow mark the annual Master's Commission conference...which bring back a flood of memories & makes me miss MC all the more.

So after Andrew left for work at 6:30 this morning, I went back to bed. Once I awoke, I decided it would be best if I got out of the house for a little bit today. So after a trip to the post office to mail the forgotten items that the nieces left behind, then to Walmart for a few items....I headed to find a nail salon to get a much needed pedicure.

It was a normal salon visit...massage chair...foot spa...& relaxation. Once my toenails were painted...it was time to dry.

At the drying station there was another lady who was drying her finger nails. She noticed me using my phone & asked if I knew anything about twitter...which then led to about a twenty minute conversation just sharing our lives with one another. At the end of the conversation we exchanged names & numbers.

If nothing comes of meeting this perfect stranger today, I know that her kindness & sincerity impacted & challenged me.

You may never know the difference you make when you take the time to get outside of your little world & reach out to others.

Pause when you are out and about and take notice of those who are around you. Be led of the Spirit as you speak words of life & encouragement to yes, even perfect strangers.

Let us not forget...that a smile & a friendly hello go a long way nowadays as well.

Valentine's day...Singleness...Loneliness

This is a shout out to all my lady friends...near and far...

I'm fully aware the Valentine's day is just around the corner. And although I am now married, I most definitely have not forgotten the looming emotions that try to take their toll on single ladies.

Lonliness is a real part of life...married or single... but it seems especially around this time of year that my single lady friends have a particularly rough time with embrassing and appreciating their gift of singleness.

I call it a "gift" because I truly believe that is what it is. For those of you who know me....which I'd imagine most of you do or you would not be reading my blogs...You know that I just married this past August at the age of 29.

Yes, I love Andrew with my whole heart and now cannot imagine life without him...but let me just say for the record...I also would not have traded my single twenties for anything.

Sure there were lonely days but it was a huge realization for me in my early twenties that no man is ever going to fill that lonliness. Married or not. I'd of wasted so much of my twenties if I had just waited for "Mr. Right" to come along and sweep me off my feet so that true life could begin.

My twenties were full of adventure! I can hardly wait to see what my thirties will look like. I am sure they will be very different.

One thing I'd like to just encourage you ladies in is to be true to yourself. Don't wait for a man to make you feel special. So what you don't have a date or someone significant to spend Valentine's with?!? Make it count. And by all means DON'T sit at home and sulk. Why do we do that to ourselves, ladies?

Go out for dessert with some girlfriends. Have a worship night. Avoid romantic movies. Buy yourself flowers or that must have pair of jeans you've been wanting. Go volunteer somewhere. Paint your fingernails & toenails red...you sassy lady you...Take out a youth girl & invest...Lattes anyone?

Don't let this Hallmark holiday get you down.

You're more than that...

Remember, most of all....Single or not...There is ONE who is most jealous for you and will continue to be until the end of time... He will NEVER disappoint.

"The King is entralled by your beauty, honor him, for he is your lord." Psalm 45:11

Sending some love to all my ladies! Keep it on the real!

Sovereign Grace

Grace-unmerited favor:: kindness from God that we do not deserve

How often we say, "Thank God for grace!" But do we fully comprehend the weightiness of this word?

It is indeed so undeserved.

I wonder how many times that it has been because of grace that I've been spared from life's blows. How many times the love & care of my heavenly Father have saved me from tragedy?

Today I am overwhelmed by His grace & favor on my life. He is always faithful.

I am eternally grateful.

Obsessed

I think it's obsession...Andrew just says he has a lot to learn.

Let me explain...

One of Andrew's "hobbies" is guns...this means buying guns, shooting guns, researching guns, and as of late...learning how to make his own ammo.

So in the matter of a few days, I'd estimate he has spent 20-25 hours researching online about the newest gun he has added to his collection and the "how to" of making ammo for it.

Now I'll confess...I DON'T get the OBSESSION. I mean how can someone spend HOURS a day reading about the same thing?!?! And be perfectly content doing so?

To be honest, I've gotten slightly annoyed the last few days because of the amount of time he has committed to researching his hobby.

So naturally, I had to ask myself why am I so annoyed? This is something my husband cares about...

Of course there are several things I'm sure that attribute to the "annoyedness"...but for the sake of this blog...I'll spare you the list.

The bottom line is once I started evaluating and asking the question of "why?" it brought me to one very challenging question...

How OBSESSED am I with my heavenly Father? His Word? Spending time with Him? Do I "research" His Word for hours with great delight in my heart to learn?

Obession-the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, or desire (www.dictionary.com)

Perhaps a lot in our society, the word "obsessed" has a negative conotation attached to it.

However, I know for me...it's taken on a new meaning...and given me a new challenge...

There is no greater LOVE in this life & beyond to be OBSESSED over... All else cannot even compare...

Are my thoughts & feelings CONSUMED with all that He is? Or do they all too often get entangled by the cares of this world?

He is... Faithful. Just. True. Loving. Peace. Friend. Comforter. All that I need. And the most WORTHY OBSESSION at that.

It's a Plan

If anyone knows me at all...You know that I ALWAYS have a plan. I may ask you, "what do you want to do?" While all along I have a PLAN just in case your response is "I don't know...What do you want to do?"

It's been six months now since I went from being in full time ministry working with junior high, senior high, young adults, and directing Master's Commission. It's also been six months now since I've been married to my dearest friend.

I've learned a lot about myself the past six months. To be honest, some things I'd rather not have learned. Ignorance is bliss, right?

I went from living a life of "full speed ahead" to "hit the breaks and coast." And all such a "suddenly" of life that there are still days that I wake up and remember that life is no longer what it once was and there is no going back.

Again, if you know me, you know that I tend to function best when the "pressure" is on. When there is much strategy, planning, dreaming that is required to make "it" work. I love multi-tasking. I love pulling a team together and dreaming with them...planning with them...journeying with them.

I suppose women may deal with the "need" for a plan more than men do. At least that is how it works in our house. Andrew is a just "go with the flow...whatever happens happens" kind of guy. I, on the other hand, find at times I have an anxious heart when it FEELS like there is no plan and we are moving no where and doing little for the Kingdom.

So many times I've found myself in a puddle of tears the past six months because of all the uncertainties of life...wondering if God has forgotten...Knowing that He hasn't...But all the while dealing with the fierce emotion & anxiety that tries to rear it's ugly head every time I settle it in my heart and spirit to live at peace and "Be Still & Know" in this season.

Last night was one of those nights...Andrew was away at men's bible study and I had been home all day...alone. (Again, if you know me, I'm used to being surrounded by people...most days...all day... Even growing up...So this season feels so very awkward to me.) I lay in bed, racked with emotion...hot tears flowing down my face...As I ask the Lord, once again, "Have You forgotten me? Why are we here? What is the purpose? What's the plan?"

I lay...waiting...silence...hot tears streaming down my face...

Morning has come...Silence still lingers...But the Peace of God that surpasses all understanding is present. I don't understand. I don't know why. And that's ok.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it's the Lord"s purpose that prevails." Pv. 19:21

Oh my goodness! I can't believe I'm pregnant!

"Oh my goodness! I can't believe I'm pregnant!" ...This is the common phrase I think daily as I'm reminded of this little baby growing inside of me! It still feels so unreal...I'm going to be a mom?!?! Andrew's going to be a dad?!?!

Sure enough...We're almost halfway there actually...

I get a little chuckle everytime someone tells me...to A. Get plenty of sleep now (you can't "store" up sleep, can you? I mean I know it's important to be well rested...but I won't necessarily be drawing from that "well" of good sleep once the baby comes....) 2. Life will NEVER be the same (oh really? I'm glad you cleared that up for us...I was pretty sure I'd pop a baby out and life would just go on as normal....negative...what is normal, anyway? I've never known normal. I don't ever want to know normal. "Normal" too easily becomes complacency and lack of trust and faith in the One who truly matters.)

Andrew and I recently moved to Lebanon, Indiana. What a different pace of life Lebanon brings...I haven't left the house much...as there isn't a WHOLE lot to do. I did venture to the Big Lots & Kroger this week. You know...It's probably good for my mental health to "get out" every now and then.

It's been incredible for Andrew being closer to work...not as early of mornings and not as late of nights...

I'm very grateful!

The house is feeling more like home...although I find myself chilling in our bedroom throughout the day...mostly because it's the warmest room in the house. We keep our thermostat at 65 degrees...trying to cut energy cost... Afterall, we have a BABY on the way...and I'm currently not working...every penny saved really does matter!

So here we are....while still adjusting to married life...we're preparing for married life with a baby...hello to parenting!

Today I got online to do a baby registry at J.C. Penny...yeah....I registered for one thing so far...after looking and looking and just getting overwhelmed! So many options! This is all so new! I decided I'd better wait for Andrew to get home so he could be involved in this little process.

Oh for those who may read this and wonder....no worries...Malachi, our dog, has adjusted very well to living in Lebanon. He likes it...He has a fenced yard now and finds the stairwell quite fun to run up and down!

Happy Wednesday!