The ugly...freeing truth

Truth is...

People will always disappoint you.

God will not.

There may be days that it FEELS like He has forgotten you.

He has not.

There may be days when it FEELS like He doesn't see.

He does.

He sees the now.

And all of your tomorrows.

There may be days when it FEELS like you are alone.

He is with you.

He promised to never leave you or forsake you.

There will be days that you FEEL confused.

He is wisdom.

He is truth.

He will guide you.

There will be days that you FEEL uncertain.

He will be your confidence.

There will be days that you FEEL weak.

He will be your strength.

Yes, people will disappoint you.

But there is One... One who surpasses them all.

Jesus. Abba. Father. Friend. Faithful One. Beloved. Redeemer. Savior. Defender. Steady Rock.

In Him do I put my trust.

Keeping Up With The Jones

Picket fence. Beautiful flowers in bloom throughout the yard. Swing for the kids. Rocking chairs on the front porch. 2 story house with a 2 car garage. Mini van in the drive. & a mailbox with the family name proudly displayed.

The Jones.

You know them. Maybe you are them.

The ever striving to appear or be the "so called" perfect American family.

Whatever that is. I don't know. Truth is... We will never be them. And I'm ok with that.

This past week was in a phrase... laborosly tiresome. Or here is another for you... sweat equity.

Andrew took the week off  of work (well, kind of...but that is another story), Caden was sent to my sister's, & my oldest niece, Lyndsey, came to help with Hope so that Andrew & I could work on a few things on the outside of the house. We "thought" our small list of weeding, pulling up bushes, & painting was very doable in the time alloted.

Here we are... It is Saturday evening. Lyndsey has returned home & Caden is here asleep in his bed. Not one of our goals was achieved in completeness.

Our home is over a hundred years old.

We have a postage stamp yard.

Caden, our nearly two year old, would rather run down the ally.

We have bushes that are out of control. I lost count at 36 thistle weeds/bushes that I pulled out from among the bushes this week.

We share our home as it is split into 3 units. Because of this Andrew doesn't really "feel" it's home. I say we pay the mortgage & utilities every month so I don't know how much more "home" it can be.

Our failed attempts this week of finishing what we started weren't for a lack of trying...but rather each job created another job that had to be completed before starting the original job.

So, here we are. Our back deck is pulled away from our house.
We have a roof that needs completely replaced. Not only on our house but also our garage.
Siding behind our deck that needs replaced/repaired.
The house & garage have been mostly scraped & ready to paint...for who knows when now...
The sun window has been disassembled...
On & on & on...

That's just the way it is.

Andrew works a modest job. A job that he enjoys. It provides for our family. I'm grateful.

He bought this house at a time in his life when he honestly thought he wouldn't marry. It made sense to him then.

Now he's married with two kids.

...Many are the plans in a man's heart... But the Lord's purposes will prevail...

The Jones. We will never keep up with them.
And that's ok.

This is who we are. This is where God has us.

With that knowledge... That God has not forgotten us & takes care of His own... We can rest easy...Peace.

That doesn't mean the days ahead won't be long... Or more pennies won't be "pinched"...

It just means that we don't have to worry or fret or dispare because nothing...nothing....nothing...is too great for God... & anyway... I don't think He is really bothered by our chipping paint & overgrown bushes.

It is what it is

Mom life. House wife. Stay at home mom. What's in a title anyway? Lately, I've honestly been a little edgy & emotional... If I can just be candid for a moment... I know for some this may seem harsh or like I'm ungrateful, I'm not... Just wired up a little differently than other women, I guess. You see... I love my babies. But I didn't pick this life. In a way, I guess it picked me. Neve ever was I the girl that just day dreamed about being a mom & staying home & raising babies. But here I am. And it's no joke. Most days around 5-6pm... I'm just done... The final push to get dinner on the table, babies bathed, ready for bed... Is here and all I can think about is how I'd love a shower & the ability to climb in my bed by 8pm & read or journal or write those long overdue "thinking about you" & "thank you" cards... But that my friends, is a rare occasion. I honestly can't remember the last time I finished a book in its entirety...& to my friends that haven't heard from me in ions... I really do think about you... And promise... Some day we will catch up on life. Right now, life is a little "unpredictably" predictable... Meaning... I don't know what time of day Caden will dump his snack or if/when Hope will actually let me put her down... But at some point it will most likely happen... Life. Funny. The plans we make. That never purpose themselves. I think the Word says something about that... Many are the plans in a mans heart... But the Lord's purposes will prevail. Anyway... I don't think this "thought" really came full circle... Maybe another day...

expectation

Christmas. Just two days away. Kind of hard to believe. I'm 39 weeks pregnant this week & really anticipate we'll be having this baby girl any day now. We've purposefully made little plans with family & friends as we are just waiting for our little miss to arrive.

Even though I'm very aware that there is a little person growing inside of me, it still feels very surreal that in a matter of days we will go from a family of 3 to a family of 4. I really cannot even begin to wrap my mind around it so, to be honest, I've stopped trying.

The last few days, Christmas...the true meaning of Christmas...having this baby....and all that it entails...have consumed my mind.

I can't help but think of Mary and the conditions she faced in giving birth to Jesus. Even so, from the very announcement that she was "with child" her response was "so be it unto me." There is A LOT behind that phrase & yet, she embraced it & lived it with such dignity & grace. What a woman!

I pray this Christmas season finds us all more aware of the divine simplicity of our Savior's birth & that in the midst of "it all" we will once again find ourselves in awe of this little One born in a stable, laid in a manger, sent to earth to die so that we might live. Such sacrifice.

Let us not belittle the role of Mary as she was deemed worth of carrying the promise of God... & learn from her example so that we might too become such containers of the glory of God... That who He is... would truly shine through all that we are & all that we do.

Merry Christmas.

"Stay at home" mom

Today has been a difficult, long day. My husband has been at work all day and is currently still at work. He also is working all day tomorrow. I'm very grateful for a husband that works so diligently to provide for our family. However, days like today, with a teething, feverish, 14 month old...no contact with any adults & only conversations that contained minimal words with Caden...I'm wiped. I often think to myself, "how do stay at home moms do this all of the time?"

I'm not going to lie... This was never a dream or a plan. I know many women wouldn't trade being stay at home moms for anything. I also know there are mommas that have to work and so wish they were able to stay home with there babies. I'm sure everyone has a story.

So, here I am. It just so happens that two years ago I was let go of a job that I was ready to build my life on, give my life to, and raise a family while doing it. It's hard to imagine now, with Caden and another baby on the way, living that life...but it was my passion. I know we would have managed. I always thought it was cool when my director's kids were like the the MC kids and we raised in such a stellar atmosphere.

My own mom was a stay at home mom for much of my growing up years and I can't imagine not having her home when we all got home from school. She was the best. It seemed there was always something yummy coming out of the oven for an after school snack as soon as we walked through the door. With my dad being a bi-vocational pastor, honestly, my mom did a majority of the parenting. I know if it weren't for her dedication to us kids, I definitely wouldn't be who I am today.

I never imagined being a "stay at home" mom would be so difficult. I guess how would one know until you're living it?!?

But let me assure you, it is not a walk in the park. This is by far the hardest thing I've done in my life. And for all of the moms who embrace this calling every day, I say "kudos" to you.

It's hard to imagine that I'll always be a stay at home mom. I have dreams and vision beyond staying home and raising our children. In the mean time, I'm allowing the Lord to correct my mentalities of the "lowliness" of being a stay at home mom and wife and that somehow I'm not doing enough and should be doing more. I'm certain this is exactly where God wants me right now. I don't understand it all and feel like I probably never will. None the less, here's to humbling myself and continuing to serve in such a selfless, humbling manner.

So to all the moms out there...and moms-to-be... kudos to you in whatever role you find yourself... your strength and endurance amaze me!

Weeds

This summer most of Indiana has been under a severe drought. The losses have been much greater than the gains for farmers.

Our yard, as small as it is, has virtually no grass left after our minuscule amounts of rain.

I have marveled at the amounts of weeds that have successfully grown in the extreme drought conditions. I've watched them shoot up over and over again...seemingly out of no where.

We have sprayed weed killer, cut them down...alas, they keep coming back.

Today, I decided enough is enough. Dreading the task that was before me... I headed outside to pull the weeds up at the root. I had imagined a lot of huffing and puffing...

Surprisingly, for most of the weeds, that wasn't the case. I just got down right at the base of each weed and gave it a good yank....out it came...roots and all...

Goodbye, 5 foot tall weeds!

...And isn't that just the way it is with our lives...

The things we "temporary fix" keep coming back...sometimes stronger than before... We dread actually dealing with the situation at the root... But when it comes down to it, once we do... It isn't as awful as we allowed our vain imaginations to make it.

Eviction Notice

Living in the land of owning a rental property presents many interesting, notable moments...especially since our rental property also happens to be the home in which we live...having two apartments that we lease.

Recently, we had to serve an eviction notice to our upstairs tenant...not without MANY gracious warnings leading up to this point as he was continually breaking the lease agreement in one way or another.

All day long, as I've dealt with 3 situations just today involving the tenant, I've been thinking about the process of an eviction notice...

You see...  When Andrew & I come to the place of serving an eviction to someone it takes a lot to get us to that point... grace extended....grace extended....grace extended...boom... NO MORE GRACE.

Once the notice has finally been served, however, we've been pushed to our limits. Enough is enough! We won't take it anymore.

...So, then I begin to think, "man, isn't this just the way we are with sin...addictions...temptations...complacency...apathy"

We live with it. Accept it. Tolerate it. Convince ourselves it's really not a "big" deal...we can handle it...

We treat the grace of God like it is cheap... And somehow forget that while He is gracious... He is also just, full of mercy, & jealous for our affection.

 Then one day we come to the place that we're just sick of the deceit, the lies, the hidden life... And we decide it's time to serve the devil & the strongholds he has on our lives an eviction notice.

But here's the thing... An eviction notice isn't instant. There is a process involved. Don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that God can't deliver you in a moment... It's just that though He may and is very able to do so, there is still a process in dealing with the consequences of the life that you chose to live, the decisions that you made....

All the while, God is working....healing....recreating....restoring... He is faithful like that. Even through the messiness of an eviction notice... He is there. Making a way when there seems to be no way.

...So, here we are...a few more days left with the "non-stop fun" of tenant 3. I can't help but pray, "Dear Jesus, Give us wisdom & discernment with whomever will next rent from us. Let it be a person who can live at peace with others & will not have to be served an eviction notice."

Let it be so. That once the enemy of your soul has been served notice...that you let it stand & don't ever look back, go back, or return to that old, stinking, rottting life style. Live in the freedom that is yours as a child of the King.