It's a Plan

If anyone knows me at all...You know that I ALWAYS have a plan. I may ask you, "what do you want to do?" While all along I have a PLAN just in case your response is "I don't know...What do you want to do?"

It's been six months now since I went from being in full time ministry working with junior high, senior high, young adults, and directing Master's Commission. It's also been six months now since I've been married to my dearest friend.

I've learned a lot about myself the past six months. To be honest, some things I'd rather not have learned. Ignorance is bliss, right?

I went from living a life of "full speed ahead" to "hit the breaks and coast." And all such a "suddenly" of life that there are still days that I wake up and remember that life is no longer what it once was and there is no going back.

Again, if you know me, you know that I tend to function best when the "pressure" is on. When there is much strategy, planning, dreaming that is required to make "it" work. I love multi-tasking. I love pulling a team together and dreaming with them...planning with them...journeying with them.

I suppose women may deal with the "need" for a plan more than men do. At least that is how it works in our house. Andrew is a just "go with the flow...whatever happens happens" kind of guy. I, on the other hand, find at times I have an anxious heart when it FEELS like there is no plan and we are moving no where and doing little for the Kingdom.

So many times I've found myself in a puddle of tears the past six months because of all the uncertainties of life...wondering if God has forgotten...Knowing that He hasn't...But all the while dealing with the fierce emotion & anxiety that tries to rear it's ugly head every time I settle it in my heart and spirit to live at peace and "Be Still & Know" in this season.

Last night was one of those nights...Andrew was away at men's bible study and I had been home all day...alone. (Again, if you know me, I'm used to being surrounded by people...most days...all day... Even growing up...So this season feels so very awkward to me.) I lay in bed, racked with emotion...hot tears flowing down my face...As I ask the Lord, once again, "Have You forgotten me? Why are we here? What is the purpose? What's the plan?"

I lay...waiting...silence...hot tears streaming down my face...

Morning has come...Silence still lingers...But the Peace of God that surpasses all understanding is present. I don't understand. I don't know why. And that's ok.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it's the Lord"s purpose that prevails." Pv. 19:21

Oh my goodness! I can't believe I'm pregnant!

"Oh my goodness! I can't believe I'm pregnant!" ...This is the common phrase I think daily as I'm reminded of this little baby growing inside of me! It still feels so unreal...I'm going to be a mom?!?! Andrew's going to be a dad?!?!

Sure enough...We're almost halfway there actually...

I get a little chuckle everytime someone tells me...to A. Get plenty of sleep now (you can't "store" up sleep, can you? I mean I know it's important to be well rested...but I won't necessarily be drawing from that "well" of good sleep once the baby comes....) 2. Life will NEVER be the same (oh really? I'm glad you cleared that up for us...I was pretty sure I'd pop a baby out and life would just go on as normal....negative...what is normal, anyway? I've never known normal. I don't ever want to know normal. "Normal" too easily becomes complacency and lack of trust and faith in the One who truly matters.)

Andrew and I recently moved to Lebanon, Indiana. What a different pace of life Lebanon brings...I haven't left the house much...as there isn't a WHOLE lot to do. I did venture to the Big Lots & Kroger this week. You know...It's probably good for my mental health to "get out" every now and then.

It's been incredible for Andrew being closer to work...not as early of mornings and not as late of nights...

I'm very grateful!

The house is feeling more like home...although I find myself chilling in our bedroom throughout the day...mostly because it's the warmest room in the house. We keep our thermostat at 65 degrees...trying to cut energy cost... Afterall, we have a BABY on the way...and I'm currently not working...every penny saved really does matter!

So here we are....while still adjusting to married life...we're preparing for married life with a baby...hello to parenting!

Today I got online to do a baby registry at J.C. Penny...yeah....I registered for one thing so far...after looking and looking and just getting overwhelmed! So many options! This is all so new! I decided I'd better wait for Andrew to get home so he could be involved in this little process.

Oh for those who may read this and wonder....no worries...Malachi, our dog, has adjusted very well to living in Lebanon. He likes it...He has a fenced yard now and finds the stairwell quite fun to run up and down!

Happy Wednesday!